The Polyvagal Theory (PVT) offers tremendous insight into what drives conflict. Based on hard neurobiology science, PVT describes behavior such as fight/flight/freeze (FFF) and Social Engagement System (SES). Simply put, PVT posits that all people, are always, to some degree always in either a FFF or SES state, that is, they are always in an approach or withdrawal state. The energy associated with the state may be barely visible, or strong enough to take virtually complete control of a person, including basic bodily functions.
PVT research establishes that when in an intense FFF state, hearing is physically impacted, as is access to the broadest range of information processing and relational strategies. When people are in an SES state, they are much more able to hear and perceive new information and information contrary to what they may have previously thought.
The Integrative Client-Centered Model (ICCM) asserts that clients are typically in a FFF state when they first come in for help (and often throughout the counseling process), and holds that counselors (lawyers, therapists, doctors, clergy, etc.) can help clients make better decisions by helping them move from a FFF state to a SES state before choices have to be made.
PVT is a rich and complex theory, and understanding it helps counselors in a variety of ways. PVT was developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, who has several books describing the process. Dr. Porges also has many of his lectures available to watch on YouTube.